Now

Today I struggled with my morning routine. It threw me off. But I did not let it take my day. I did not let it ruin what I knew was going to be a magnificent day in my life. Mind over matter. Today is all we have. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Today. Right now. What we choose to do here and now will set us on a path that will unfold. A path we can either embrace or resist.

     Are you doing what makes you happy in life? Or are you following blindly down a path that somewhere along the line you set for yourself? The question now becomes: Are you doing what you can, by the choices you make, to follow a path that you feel is worth following? Worth living? Are you making a conscious effort to create a better future for yourself?

     I mentioned that we have no tomorrow. I’m not saying that tomorrow doesn’t exist or will never come. What I AM saying is that tomorrow is never guaranteed. It isn’t for us to take for granted. So I ask you this: Is what you’re doing today, right now, something that the you of tomorrow would be happy about? Something your future self would be proud of? Think about that a moment.

     Now think of your dreams and ask yourself: Is what you’re doing right now in life, where you’re at, is it truly where you want to be? If you could do anything in life, be anywhere, without worry of circumstance or money, what would you do? Where would you be? Be brutally honest with yourself.

     If you say, “Yes, what I’m doing is where I want to be” then great! I’m genuinely happy for you. If on the other hand you say “No, I’d rather be doing something else” my question then becomes: So why aren’t you? Why aren’t you aligning what you’re doing with what you achieve?

     “It’s too much work,” “I don’t have the resources,” “It’s too big of a dream.”

     Bullshit.

     People’s problem is that we look at our dreams from an outsider’s perspective. An outsider looking in. Do you think that the people doing the things you want to do started out that way?

     Hell no.

     They put in the work. They found the resources. They got back up when they fell. They achieved the dream. The question now is: How much do you want your dream? Enough to get over the fear of failure? Enough to get over any obstacle that comes your way no matter what? I can promise you that you’re not the only one that’s dreaming the dream you have. You’re not the only one that wants what you want. What do you do when countless other people are gunning for the same thing? Well you have 1 of 2 options: 1) You can make excuses and talk yourself out of working toward and getting what you truly want, or 2) You can work harder than anyone else out there.

     Achieving your dream is an endurance test. You’re going to fail climbing up that mountain before you reach the top. Do you want your dream bad enough to dust yourself off and get back up? There are going to be days when you question what you want. If what you’re working toward is really worth the effort you’re putting in. Let me be the one to tell you that more often times, it is. Just because the day is dark, and you can’t see the light, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

     All you have to do is keep on moving. You will fail, but at least you’re giving yourself the opportunity to fail. Success is a fleeting thing that hides among failure. Remember, there is no yesterday. No tomorrow. Just here and now. The question now becomes:

     What will you do?

The Thing About Life

     I've spent my fair share of time searching and thinking about the meaning of life. While I don't claim to know the answer, or even claim to believe that there IS an answer, I do believe that there are common threads that run through each and every life. 
     As time moves inevitably forward, I believe more and more that the essence of life (if it can even be called that) is all subjective. While I don't believe there is a specific meaning to life, I DO believe that life has purposes. And I believe that each and every one of us assigns our own personal purpose to our own lives. 
     Now this isn't a steadfast rule. Throughout life our thinking changes, and as such, so does our view of life. What once was a dream of ours might fade away to give way to a different hope for the future. What matters most is that we HAVE a dream. Have a hope. It's that dream that drives us forward. That hope that gives us a reason to live. It's that future that we envision and strive for that gives our lives meaning. 
      The oldest memory of what I wanted to be when I "grew up" was becoming a veterinarian. Later on in life I had a run in with faith and for a time I wanted to be a Lutheran pastor. While I still have faith of a sense, as life went on I found and settled on the written word. Ever since then I knew that my place in life was to be a writer. When I write, I feel complete. I feel at one with the world around me. 
     Take some time and think of what you want to achieve in life. Take steps in that direction, no matter how small. One day, you'll see that it was all worth it.  

New year, new me? New year, BETTER me!

     I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't make resolutions for new years. I was tired of setting all these huge goals that I would ultimately end up failing. Instead, I started coming up with a few small, attainable goals for myself that I would work toward throughout the year. While I still fail a lot of these goals I set for myself, I find that because of my mindset, I accept the failure of these goals better and learn from them instead of feeling down and sorry for myself. Not only that, but when I DO fail these small goals, I find it so much easier to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep working at the goal.  
     At the end of the year I look back on all my small victories, as well as the losses, and feel a sense of accomplishment in my life despite the experience of defeat. At of the end of the year I feel like a better, more well rounded person. A better version of myself.
     Here is a list of some of the goals I have set for myself for 2017:
-Drink more water
-Eat less/better
-Walk more
-Sleep less/better
-Write more consistently
-Stop putting off my creativity
-Be more spontaneous

     Here's to a great year. Make it yours.
     

A Time Like Now

     It's been a while since I've updated this blog, so i figured I might as well. I hope to be better at posting on this regularly, but as you can see, I'm not so good at it. So much has happened since the last time I wrote a post. I'm not going to go into all that's happened except to say that I'm a different person than I was before. How can I not be? Life doesn't slow down for any of us, and it's insane to think that we'll be the same people we were in the past.  

     All we can do is deal with the past and focus on the present. No one knows what the future will hold, but we can make a conscious effort to work on right now. And that's what I intend to do. I've come to realize that the path of life is lined in good intention, but without discipline and motivation, life is a hallow shell of what it could be. I want to live life to the fullest, and that all starts right now.

The List

     The boy that watches me at night from the dark corners of my room has started to bring a book and pen with him. Sometimes, I even see him scribble things into the book. I dare not ask him what he writes, because any time I try to talk to him, he gets really mad. I don't like the look he gives me or the way he screams when he's mad. Some nights, when I close my eyes to go to sleep, the boy whispers a name into my ear. Those nights scare me more than the rest. Those are the nights the boy leaves and goes to watch the person he names. 

Tonight he's watching you...

Moments and the Thief

     I admit, I am a thief. But not the kind you'd think. I don't steal jewels, money, or prized possessions. The things I steal are things that cannot be held. Fragile fleeting things that are taken for granted and seldom kept hidden or under lock and key. 
     I steal moments. 
     Precious moments. 
     I'm a people watcher. 
     I can be found on park benches, in far corners of rooms, or in hallways, watching the world around me in eternal wonderment. I steal glances, facial expressions, subconscious hand gestures, looks of love and fear. I steal the moments that hang amidst human interaction. Human connection. These moments are moments I hold to be some of the purest moments we have. Moments so pure that, unless you're looking for them, feeling them, slip by unnoticed among expended air.
     As I watch, I wonder. I build stories in my head about the moments I steal. About the people I steal them from. Why certain moments happen. Why some don't. I am forever amazed at these moments. Both the simplest and the most complex of things. Moments so simple that few take notice, and things so complex that these moments weave themselves seamlessly into every conversation we have.
     For every moment I steal, a sensation of connection overcomes me. A knowing feeling that, despite all that is wrong with the world, we're all in this together. 
     And life goes on.     

Wonder Things #1

     The first time I saw her, it was snowing outside. She was sitting in the back of a coffee shop I frequented, sipping on a steaming mug. I didn't recognize her. I stole a glance in her direction, hoping she wouldn't notice. She didn't, and it made me sad. 
     I toyed with the thought of introducing myself, but before I could, a loud shriek pierced my ears, forcing me to close my eyes and cradle my head. I fell into a pile on the ground.
     When the deafening sound finally subsided,  I waited an extra moment before opening my eyes. The room was impossibly bright. My eyes struggled to adjust to the room as I sat up. I was no longer inside the coffee shop, but in an empty white room.
     "I felt you looking at me," a woman's voice said, filling the room.
     "I-where am I?"
     A door appeared on a far wall. After a long breath, I got up and made my way to it. The handle felt cool to the touch as I reached out to open it. The door swung open easily, opening into a long empty hallway that matched the room I was in. I stepped out and the door closed behind me, disappearing. 
     "Where would you like to be?" the woman asked.