The Things We Find

     I have a habit (good or bad) of picking things up off the ground. I dislike litter and part of me does it to do my part in helping clean up the world. The other part of me is more interested in the glimpses I get into the lives of people I'll never get to meet. 
     For example, one time I picked up a piece of paper that ended up being someones dropped shopping list. Among the list of crossed out items, a hastily written note in the corner read "Don't forget to buy a gift!". I found myself wondering who was getting a gift. A parent? A significant other? A Child? I also found myself wondering what the eventual gift might be. A toy? A book? 
     Anyway, the reason I tell you this about myself is because sometimes, I pick things up that change my life. Today was one of those times. I was out running errands earlier and I found a folded piece of paper on the sidewalk. Picking it up, I stuffed it into my pocket. I was nowhere near a trashcan and I was running late so I figured I'd toss it out later. 
     Later came and went. Apparently I forgot about the slip of paper. I'm really glad I did. After settling down for the night, I started emptying my pocket and found the paper. This is what it said:

      
     I wonder who wrote this and why. I can only imagine the thoughts running through the person's mind when they penned this. The words are a powerful reminder to never limit yourself in anything you do. The universe works in mysterious ways, and I don't believe that coincidence is the reason that I found this today. Let the words sink in. Feel their power. Do great things.

Heart to Heart

     I guess I should start off by telling you a little about myself. For anyone that doesn't know me personally, for the past few years (almost 5 to be exact) I've been working for a company here where I live that provides home health care for individuals with mental and/or physical disabilities. I've been with the same person the whole time and I've since been promoted to being his lead staff, managing his day program as well as his finances. 
     That being said, something very heartwarming happened to us today. We were out and about running some routine errands and we stopped by a store to pick up a small heater for my individual's room because it's been getting cold lately and for some reason his room hasn't been heating up well. 
     After the trip to the back of the store to grab the heater, we made our way to a checkout line. Being the holidays, they were all pretty busy so we just picked one at random. In front of us in line was an elderly couple chatting quietly and waiting to pay. I let my individual pick out a piece of candy because he was doing pretty well and it was a good treat for waiting patiently. 
     I said "excuse me" to the couple so they wouldn't be surprised by my individual. They smiled at me. After my individual picked out a bag of M&M's (his usual go to treat), we continued to stand in line.
     After a moment, the man in front of us turned to me. Hand outstretched, he said "I just want to say thank you for everything that you do for him". He nodded to my individual, who at this time was all smiles. I shook his hand and noted that he was wearing a retired armed forces hat. I said "Only if I can say thank you for everything you did for me".
     The look on his face as well as his wife's face was nothing short of priceless.
     The rest of the time we were in line (the span of maybe 5 minutes) we just chatted. The connection we shared was so pure and genuine. He told me that both of his sons were mentally disabled and that he had a deep respect for what I do. I told him that my dad is retired Navy.  
      Finally it was their turn to cash out. We shook hands one last time after they paid and they left after telling my individual "Merry Christmas". 
     It's moments like what happened today that warm my heart. I often wonder if what I do is worth it, and times like today remind me that it is. 

Tis the Season

     I'm finding it harder and harder not to feel nostalgic this time of year. I had a very nontraditional and deprived childhood as a kid, and because of that, I love all the traditions that I never got to experience when I was growing up. Waking up and eating the candy out of an advent calendar, sending out holiday cards, decorating the house with Christmas lights, making (and eating) holiday cookies, Santa hats, ugly sweaters, gifts under the tree, shooting my Red Ryder (no, I haven't shot my eye out), among other things. 
     In a way I kind of feel like I'm making up for lost time. But in a way it's so much more. I think as a kid, we take things for granted. Since I experienced all these things when I was older, I feel like I'm able to cherish the feelings that come along with the holidays better.
     And for that I'm thankful.
     As Christmas nears, I can't help but get excited! It's not even about gifts or material things. What I'm most excited about is spending the holiday with people that mean the most to me. Making memories. 
     I've come to realize that the holidays are about love, cheer, joy, family, friends, and happiness. It's that warm fuzzy feeling you get in your chest when someone you love opens a gift you worked so hard to find. The look in their eyes and the smile on their face at the thought of knowing someone loves them. To me THAT is what the holidays are about.
     Happy holidays, guys!

   

Another Dreary Day

     Rain trickles down the outside of my bedroom window. The world outside is gray. Shadows hide and slumber, tired from their night of fun. I fight exhaustion and breath in deep. Some days motivation escapes me. I fight the urge to question the purpose of life, a topic I've recycled time and time again in the workings of my thoughts. I get up and go through the motions of my morning routine. 
     While waiting for my car to heat up, I remind myself that it's okay to feel down. It's okay to feel lost. It's okay to fake your way through the day in an effort to get back on track. Comfort settles into my chest. 
     Life is about balance. To appreciate the good, we must know the bad. I'm not quite sure where or how I learned it, but I've  grown to accept that just because it's "one of those days" doesn't mean the whole day is a complete bust. I've grown to learn that you can't let the little things bring the rest of your day down. Even during those moments that bring you down, happiness and positivity are still all around you. You just have to work a little harder at finding it.
     So that's what I'm going to do. 

Laundry Day

     The other day I was at the laundromat waiting to put clothes into the dryer. In the process of waiting, I randomly started thinking of the evolution of washing machines. My mind traveled into the past and started a mental journey from the creation of clothing, to the need to wash them. Then it jumped from the idea of primitive washing methods to how advancement in technology has brought us to the present incarnation of a tool we often take for granted. 
     After my odd train of thought ran its course, my mind translated the things that ran through my mind and applied it to life. More specifically mine. 
     It's funny how things happen (be it by our own creation or not) that changes our lives. Changes, that when added together, create the sum of who we are. Some changes are so big that we remember them for years. Others are so small that we often forget them soon after they happen. Nevertheless, change is a never ending process, and to chronicle ALL of one's life changes is impossible.
     As I subconsciously loaded my laundry into the dryer, my mind continued its deep inward processing of my life and a feeling of warm nostalgia hugged me like a fleece blanket on a cold winter day. 
     Being so close to the new year, I thought back to the beginning of 2015 and made mental notes of major events in my life that have affected me this past year. Here are a few that stick out the most:

     -I graduated from college. Probably one of my proudest moments to date, graduating was proof to myself that I was able to do something that seemed impossible to me in the past. The look on the faces of people I love that supported me through it all was nothing short of priceless. 
     -I was named the godfather of my best friend's child. One of my scariest moments to date, being made a godfather has made me re-evaluate my life (in a good way) and made me question who I was as a person. I want to be a good role model to my godchild and I wanted to be able to believe that I live a life that is worthy of the great honor I feel for the title of godfather. To this day, and every day on, I still feel deep gratitude to be given this chance. I don't want to fuck it up.
     -I was accepted as an undergraduate. I never thought I'd continue my education after graduating, but being accepted as an undergraduate gave me a new found motivation that seemed to be hiding somewhere inside me.

     When my mind was finally satisfied with its moment of deep reflection, I looked around and realized my clothes were dry. I emptied the dryer and went on with my day, leaving a better person than I was before.

  

The Good and the Great

     I was surfing the web earlier today when I came across this quote that stuck with me. 

     I've always felt a deep belief that people are meant to do great and marvelous things with the lives we have, but it's hard not to wonder how much of that greatness is lost by settling on doing things that are just "good enough". 
     It's kind of sad how our lives sometimes unintentionally limit our potential. How comfortability in where we're at and what we do in life gives us a false sense of contentment that we're sometimes too scared to break away from. Too scared to give up. What's even more sad is how most people aren't even aware that it's happening to them until it's too late.
     That scares me.
     I don't want to live a life of mediocrity. A life of stagnation. I don't want to go through life just being "good enough". 
     I want to do great things with the time I've been given. I want my name to be remembered by the masses for the things I've accomplished. 
     I may not know what great things I'll eventually come to do, but I won't be limited by the fear of uncertainty. I will forever push the boundaries in everything I do. Progress in the direction of greatness is better than standing forever still. No matter how "good" it may be. 

     

Good Intentions

     A curious thing happened to me the other day. I was shopping for a few things at a local grocery store and was getting ready to check out. I got in line and started unpacking my basket. I made pleasant small talk with the woman checking out in front of me. Not out of the ordinary for anyone that happens to know me. 

    Anyway, the woman finishes her order and leaves. The cashier starts ringing my items. After a moment, the bagger that was helping both the previous woman and me bag our items looks down and realizes that he had forgotten to give the woman one of her bags. He looks at the bag before looking out of the glass store front to the woman that was still there and leaving. He realizes that he doesn't have time to run the bag out to the woman because the line was getting longer with every passing moment. 

     Here's the curious thing: Without hesitation and without thinking, i put my hand out and tell the bagger I'd run the bag out to the woman real quick, which I did. She was very grateful. I was out and back in the store before the cashier even finished my order. After I paid and got to my car, I sat and pondered over the events of what had happened.

     I began to wonder if the woman truly appreciated my kind act. I mean, sure, in the moment she obviously did. But in the grand scheme of things, was her appreciation just a fleeting moment of thankfulness? I know that what I had done was just a simple act of kindness, but was what I did worth it? I know that I may not have changed the total course of her life by altering an event that could have potentially caused harm, but I'd like to think that in that moment, no matter how short or fleeting it may have been, I made a difference. 

     It seems to me that life, in all of its complexity and intricacies, boils down to a a handful of universal truths, that when combined, make up who we are and who we intend to be.

     Sitting in my car for that quiet moment of reflection made me realize that intention, whether it be good or bad, is a major root of our being. It's the action on those intentions that people judge us on, and ultimately it's those actions that make us who we are and who we become. 

     It was in that moment, that I realized that my kind act WAS worth it. If not for the woman that I helped, it was worth it to me. I don't live my life doing kind things for the recognition of my acts. I do kind things because it is my hope that if I was in need, someone would do the same for me.   

Cagebird Flight

     It's been over a year since I've touched my blog. I'm not really sure what compelled me to update it, but a few days ago I read over all my old posts, saved some, and deleted them all from the site. Kind of like a rebirth of sorts. A fresh starting point. 
     Then, I let it sit. 
     Days passed without so much as a written word. Looking back, I realize now that somewhere between who I used to be and who I am now I lost motivation. I lacked the fire that once burned inside my chest. My posts were once filled with wonder. Hope. Excitement. Curiosity. 
     I was naive. My past self was blinded by young blood running through my veins. My skin was just starting to be touched by the passage of time. Somewhere between then and now, I've grown into the present.
     My previous posts reminded me of a time when I knew where I was going and who I was. They reminded me of me. I'm not quite sure how I ever lost that...
     But, of all the things I've lost, I've also gained a hell of a lot as well. I've gained perspective in life. Hunger for greatness. Restlessness in stagnation. Respect for what I plan to achieve. 
     I may not be who I was before, but I've come to accept that I'm not meant to be. The past is meant to show us where we've been. The future is where we become who we're meant to be. The present belongs to us. 
     I think I'd like to take it in and stay a while.