A Time Like Now

     It's been a while since I've updated this blog, so i figured I might as well. I hope to be better at posting on this regularly, but as you can see, I'm not so good at it. So much has happened since the last time I wrote a post. I'm not going to go into all that's happened except to say that I'm a different person than I was before. How can I not be? Life doesn't slow down for any of us, and it's insane to think that we'll be the same people we were in the past.  

     All we can do is deal with the past and focus on the present. No one knows what the future will hold, but we can make a conscious effort to work on right now. And that's what I intend to do. I've come to realize that the path of life is lined in good intention, but without discipline and motivation, life is a hallow shell of what it could be. I want to live life to the fullest, and that all starts right now.

The List

     The boy that watches me at night from the dark corners of my room has started to bring a book and pen with him. Sometimes, I even see him scribble things into the book. I dare not ask him what he writes, because any time I try to talk to him, he gets really mad. I don't like the look he gives me or the way he screams when he's mad. Some nights, when I close my eyes to go to sleep, the boy whispers a name into my ear. Those nights scare me more than the rest. Those are the nights the boy leaves and goes to watch the person he names. 

Tonight he's watching you...

Moments and the Thief

     I admit, I am a thief. But not the kind you'd think. I don't steal jewels, money, or prized possessions. The things I steal are things that cannot be held. Fragile fleeting things that are taken for granted and seldom kept hidden or under lock and key. 
     I steal moments. 
     Precious moments. 
     I'm a people watcher. 
     I can be found on park benches, in far corners of rooms, or in hallways, watching the world around me in eternal wonderment. I steal glances, facial expressions, subconscious hand gestures, looks of love and fear. I steal the moments that hang amidst human interaction. Human connection. These moments are moments I hold to be some of the purest moments we have. Moments so pure that, unless you're looking for them, feeling them, slip by unnoticed among expended air.
     As I watch, I wonder. I build stories in my head about the moments I steal. About the people I steal them from. Why certain moments happen. Why some don't. I am forever amazed at these moments. Both the simplest and the most complex of things. Moments so simple that few take notice, and things so complex that these moments weave themselves seamlessly into every conversation we have.
     For every moment I steal, a sensation of connection overcomes me. A knowing feeling that, despite all that is wrong with the world, we're all in this together. 
     And life goes on.     

Wonder Things #1

     The first time I saw her, it was snowing outside. She was sitting in the back of a coffee shop I frequented, sipping on a steaming mug. I didn't recognize her. I stole a glance in her direction, hoping she wouldn't notice. She didn't, and it made me sad. 
     I toyed with the thought of introducing myself, but before I could, a loud shriek pierced my ears, forcing me to close my eyes and cradle my head. I fell into a pile on the ground.
     When the deafening sound finally subsided,  I waited an extra moment before opening my eyes. The room was impossibly bright. My eyes struggled to adjust to the room as I sat up. I was no longer inside the coffee shop, but in an empty white room.
     "I felt you looking at me," a woman's voice said, filling the room.
     "I-where am I?"
     A door appeared on a far wall. After a long breath, I got up and made my way to it. The handle felt cool to the touch as I reached out to open it. The door swung open easily, opening into a long empty hallway that matched the room I was in. I stepped out and the door closed behind me, disappearing. 
     "Where would you like to be?" the woman asked.

Sleepless

     What if I told you, that when you went to bed tonight, you'd never wake up? 

     Would you believe me? 

     Could you afford not to? 

     If you knew that the next time you fell sleep, you wouldn't wake up again, would you be happy with how you spent today? 

     Would you be at peace with all you've done in life?

     If you got to live today over, what would you do differently?

     The unmoving silhouette of a boy stands in the far corner of your room. 

     Watching.

     Waiting. 
     
     "I know something you don't... and I'm not telling..."

Grateful

     It's been about a month since my last blog post. I know that I've been updating the Pie Me! section of this blog every week, but I don't really consider those blog posts. I took an intentional break from my blog because I wanted to let life sink in for a bit. So much has happened between my last post and this one, and I wanted to savor every bit of it. Not in retrospect, but in the moment. 
     That's how I've been feeling. Lately I've been feeling like my outer self (the part of me people see and interact with) is moving WAY too fast for my inner self (the emotional part of me that is absorbing everything). I've been feeling like all my inner self wants to do is savor the moments while they're happening, but my outer self can't or doesn't have the time for that. It's both an odd and sad feeling to have. 
     The feeling of time passing you by. 
     But that's not the reason for this post. I'm not going to get into all I've been up to right now. I've been updating my FaceBook fan page (The RZP) regularly, so you can connect with me there if you want. I AM writing this post in reflection though. A specific reflection.
     Yesterday was my 27th anniversary of my birth.
     Looking back on my life, and the memories I've made, I can't help but feel an immense gratefulness that I'm alive. I know that that's an odd sentiment, but every year, my fortunes outweigh my sorrows by far. So many great things have happened to me. Big, small, happy, sad, yes, even sad moments are blessings. But most of all, I'm grateful for everyone I get to share my life with. People I meet, people I've known, will know, thank you. 
     As much as I've made peace with loneliness, I've come to learn and accept that life is about human connection. Shared experiences between hearts and souls. And every year I see that more and more in my life. 
     And it feels good. It feels right.